


Despite everything I’m still human

by RougueShadowWolf



Series: 15 Minutes [8]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Cutting, Depression, Guilt, Lonely Stiles, Post-Nogitsune, Sad Stiles, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-18 07:10:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1419246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RougueShadowWolf/pseuds/RougueShadowWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before getting possessed Stiles had never reached the point where life felt so overwhelming that he would have picked one of his razorblades and sliced at his skin until the evidence of the life-elixir that rushed around underneath his skin rose to the surface like a beautiful dark-crimson liquid. Before causing so many deaths that it made him feel like there was not enough goodness left within him to save face or to save his soul, before Stiles was left to wonder if he would ever be allowed to join his mother in the heaven she had believed in Stiles would never have contemplated suicide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 15minutes and this was all I came up with, sorry. I was asked to make something with Sheriff Stilinski, Stiles and attempted suicide, but the time ended before I could decide how to finish the story or to figure out what to write. Sorry…

 

Another day had passed with Stiles feeling like he was barely alive, another day of being watched and barely talked too by Scott and the others in the small pack, another day passed with Scott flinching now and again when Stiles moved near him; another day of having to face the truth that things had changed between them. Another day passed with Stiles having to watch Lydia pulling further and further away from him, another day of feeling like everyone was waiting for him show signs of possession again; another day of being made to feel like he was something they kept around because they feared what might happen if they set him out into the world alone.

 

After another day of having to live with the guilt of all the deaths Stiles had caused and all Stiles needed was not to feel the heavy amount of guilt he carried around all the time.

 

Stiles watched as the blood from another cut he had created with an effortless movement of his wrist, feeling not the calm that usually followed after cutting. ****Before the possession Stiles had never even imagined doing this to his body; but after waking-up from the nightmare that was the Nogitsune this had become a daily thing; two cuts in the morning to prove to himself he was still human that he could still feel pain while every day after school he needed three cuts to deal with the aftermath of the day spent watching everyone he had once felt close to move around him like he might turn evil on them at any given moment, and then two or five more cuts before bed; he needed the pain, he needed to bleed for his sins and feel the agony of the deep cuts he carved into his thighs the pain eased the strain he felt all the time.

 

But tonight after another day and the slowly approaching night, the bleeding and the pain were simply not enough. He had cut nine deep lines and watched the blood run down his pale skin and drip-drip down on the white tiles of the small bathroom, and still it wasn’t nearly enough to ease the hurt he felt over what he had done while he was possessed by the dark entity, the blood he was losing just wasn’t enough to safe him from the pain he felt from the way he had been treated during the long day at Beacon Hills High School; the stains on the floor weren’t enough to make the feeling of betrayal he felt for being asked yet again to stay away from the pack-meeting, or to drown-out the voices in his head that told him that the reason his father wasn’t around anymore was because his dad couldn’t stand seeing his murderer of a son.

 

Stiles had thought about this a lot, he had planned it out in his head more often than not, and so it felt more like a dream as he walked into his father’s bedroom and slipped his hand beneath the matrass pulling out the small key that would unlock the draw of the bedside table; it felt like nothing more than a dream as he picked up the simple GLOCK and because his father had thought him well Stiles knew ****exactly what to do with the handgun; and with the gun in hand he made his way to his own bedroom but then thought about the mess he was about to create and decided for the clean-up it would be best and much kinder of him to blow his brains out in the bathroom.

 

Placing the gun on the counter Stiles took out his phone and sent a quick message to Scott because he couldn’t just leave without saying something to his best friend and brother.

 

_Love you bro. Take care of my dad._

 

It was simple enough. Why try to be a poet about it Stiles thought as he sent the message and began to write one for his dad which turned out to be a much harder thing to do and in the end he just sent a message with the words.

 

_Don’t be sad. Ask Melissa out, get married. Be happy. Love you dad. I’m sorry._

 

Stiles placed his phone next to the gun that was calling for him, picking up the weapon which his father had thought him how to use long before the whole werewolf scene moved in, the thought of werewolves made Stiles pick-up his phone one last time, he sent the words _Love yourself Sourwolf. Try to be happy. And thanks for trying to save me._ With no more goodbyes needed Stiles closed his phone, watching as the screen turned black and imageless and feeling like the time had come.

 

A small smile tugged at his lips as he placed the item down on and carefully sat down on the floor, back against the side of the bathtub, he wondered for a moment how he should do it; he would thought he should have done some research on what was the best way of blowing his brains out. Stiles ended up testing the most comfortable way of holding the gun against his head and in his mouth; he came to the conclusion that he really didn’t want the metallic taste in his mouth so he raised the gun his hand trembling slightly because a small part of him was arguing against this form of action.

 

Closing his eyes Stiles focused his mind on the task at hand, telling himself that this was a must, that there was no room for doubt because this would make everyone’s life better. They could all move on, live again without having to fear that Stiles would go dark again. Stiles wasn’t afraid of death, not anymore not after the darkness that had settled inside of him without warning.

 

`Don’t.´ the broken voice startled Stiles out of his thoughts, and he snapped his eyes wide open only to see his father standing right there in the doorway, his expression painfully familiar it was the same one he had worn the night Stiles mother had died,  `Please don’t.´

 

Stiles felt a surge of panic, because he didn’t want his father there, he didn’t want his dad to see him pull the trigger.

 

`Son, please don’t.´ his dad begged, he wasn’t down on his knees or anything, but the way his voice broke and the desperation in that flourished within it were the purest sign of pleading, `Please. Please. Please put the gun down son.´

 

`I-I can’t. ´ Stiles cried, because he really couldn’t he needed it all to stop. It was all too much life was just too much for him now.

 

`Y-yes you can, you can and you will, put the gun down.´ Stiles shook his head to the words, because he couldn’t he needed to go, he needed to stop his heart from beating just like Allison’s and Aiden’s just like everyone who had died because of _him_.

 

`Okay, okay,´ the words made Stiles look up at his dad who was slowly sinking down to the floor, his service weapon out and slowly raised up just like the Glock in Stiles tight hold.

 

`D-d-dad? Daddy?´ Stiles whispered voice trembling because there his father was, sitting on the floor across the room from him like a mirrored image of Stiles, gun raised and ready to end the life of the man that held the gun.

 

`I’ve misplaced you once, and that will never happen again son.´ his dad tells him, voice unwavering and expression one of calm resolution, `I’m not leaving you again.´

 

 

 


	2. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Al l that was clear to John Stilinski was his inability to survive if his son were to follow his mother, because without his son he would have followed his wife long ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is either your lucky day if you are one of the people who had wished for me to continue the Despite everything I’m still Human (or it might be the most unluckiest depending on how you feel about this little story), I was asked to create something with Stiles and his father and there was to be brief mention of Alcoholism, the Darach and the Nogitsune, Frontotemporal Dementia, I was also asked to put in some Sterek but I just gave a hint of it and a poor hint of it and this is what my mind came up with. Forgive me for whatever mistakes I’ve made in this chapter in regards of what happened in the last chapter.

 

There was no doubt in Sheriff’s Stilinski’s mind that without his son he would have drank his life away after the unexpected but also very much expected death of his wife, but because of the little boy that had been created by their stubborn love John Stilinski wasn’t ableto lay down and die; yes, John spent the first two years drinking away his sorrow until one morning when his son was three days shy of turning ten he woke up on the couch that was two years older than the little boy sitting in the coffee table, he didn’t notice the look of exhaustion that made his son look hollowed out all he noticed was that his son was sitting there wearing a pair of PJ that were a size too small while holding tightly a phone which seemed strange to John who noticed he was covered with one of the blankets that was always resting on the back of the couch, feeling a bit groggy and suffering from an unpleasant head ache he still managed to ask, `Sleep well son?´ 

 

_ `Sleep well son?´ _ such a ridiculous question, John thought now as he speeded towards the direction of his house, it had been a simple question and it had been a question that brought forth the stream of tears and desperate sobs of , `I’m so tiered daddy, I’m so very tiered.´ John learned then that his son had taken upon himself not to only clean away all the empty bottles and whatever other mess his father created in his attempt to drown his sorrow, it was then that John Stilinski learned that his son would sit by his passed-out form and watch over him to make sure he didn’t chock in his sleep; his son sat for hours and hours holding the phone so that if anything were to go wrong he could call immediately for help. It was seeing the exhaustion and seeing what he was doing to his son drove John to lay down the drink, of course at times he would have a few drinks but he never allowed himself to sink as deeply into the bottle as he had once done. 

 

But even if he had stopped drinking he continued to fail his son, he was unable to focus on fatherhood because there were duties he needed to attend too, and perhaps he needed them to keep the bottle away, but the end result was John leaving his son to care for himself more and more until John really had no idea what were Stiles’ likes and dislikes. He blamed himself more than he blamed Stiles when his son began to behave like delinquent, John blamed himself when the restraining order came to play and when he lost his job; he could have blamed his son, but he knew in the back of his mind and deep within his heart he was to blame for Stiles failures and trouble making. 

 

When the Darach took him all John could think about was that he would never see his son again, that the last memory his son would have of him would be a memory of John not trusting or believing him, and as he sat bound underground he knew his son would blame himself for his death.As John waited for death to come he wondered what would happen to his son, he had to wonder how Stiles would manage on his lonesome; what if the sorrow and the undeniable guilt Stiles would suffer from because of John would drive his son to the drink as it had done John after Claudia’s death. 

 

_ God, I should have seen this coming,  _ John thought as he speeded through the streets he was paid to keep safe, no red lights could stop him now.

 

While tied waiting to be sacrificed John had known that Stiles would focus his attention on Scott instead of attending to his own grief, Stiles would take care of his grieving friend like he had done when John grieved the death of his wife. John had wished while certain of his death that his son would come to no harm, and while he waited for the moment when he would abandon his son fully and forever John wished and prayed his son would survive to find love and happiness. 

 

Surviving the Darach had held so many possibilities for him and Stiles, and what John had done was to waste them all for the faint chance of closing cases, perhaps he was simply trying to avoid facing the fact that his son had sacrificed himself for his sake; perhaps it was the shame he felt over his son always being the one protecting him and him not succeeding in protecting his son from the known dangers as well as the ones John had not even been aware of. **** It was hard to tell when exactly he noticed the first signs of something not being quite right with his son, considering how John was fond of burying his head in the sand when it came to Stiles, he’d always preferred to ignore any issues regarding his son; but then again why would he wish to recognize or accept the familiar signs of Frontotemporal Dementia, why would he wish to face the agonizing truth that he was about to lose his son to a horrible illness just like he had lost the woman he had loved with all his heart. ****

 

But then like everything else the Frontotemporal Dementia turned out to be nothing more than a cruel trick created by the Nogitsune that sneaked into his son and took control of Stiles without John even knowing it, and while they searched and chased for his son John learned that there was something brewing between Derek Hale and his son; he’d seen the exhaustion and worry that had weighed on the werewolf as they tried to save his son, he had seen the momentary relief flood over Derek when John had suggested the illness they had thought Stiles to suffer from to be nothing but a ruse and then the way Hale had looked like the weight of the world had rolled off of his shoulderwhen they had Stiles back even if Stiles would never be the same boy he had once been. 

 

John parks the vehicle without care he leaves the keys because he knows his son had stopped locking the doors and windows of the house, he stormed his house shouting for his son, rushing the stairs as his mind brought back the words his son had sent him not too long ago.

 

_ Don’t be sad. Ask Melissa out, get married. Be happy. Love you dad. I’m sorry.  _

 

_ Don’t be sad,  _ such a ridiculous and unfair request because how would he not be sad if his son left him? How could he not shatter if his son left him now?

 

_ Ask Melissa out, get married, John _ knew of course that he should find the courage to move on from Claudia, to ask Melissa out because there was something there a pull he had ignored for years thinking Stiles wouldn’t approve of him and Melissa dating and he would never have imagined that Stiles would approve of him getting married once more; but then again, Stiles rarely thought about his own happiness it was always someone else’s that he prioritized. 

 

_ Be happy,  _ how could he be happy without his son? How could his son think so little about himself to think John could just move on with his life without his little boy around? 

 

_ Love you dad,  _ those words and the apology that followed had made John run out of the station and leap into his car and drive like a madman because the moment the words registered in his brain he knew what his son was about to do and yet when he reached the upstairs bathroom it was a shock to see his son sit there on the floor a gun in hand, so resigned to ending the life John and Claudia had given him. 

 

`Don’t.´ he croaked because he was so afraid that he’d startle his baby boy enough for the finger on the trigger to make an unwanted move, he could not lose his only child the one part of Claudia that hadn’t left him, yet. Beautiful brown eyes look up at him with a look of panic and what could only be described as sorrowful determination. 

 

`Please don’t. ´ John nearly cries when his son doesn’t lower the gun, `Son, please don’t. ´ Stiles still didn’t make a move to lower the weapon John wished never existed, `Please. Please. Please put the gun down.´ His words cause his son to start crying and if that didn’t just cause his heart t ache terribly, because he could see his son was so desperate to leave him and everyone who loved him, and that was just not right. 

 

How had John missed this? Sure, he knew his son had nightmares and he knew his son no longer smiled and joked or talked the way he had done before the whole ordeal with the Nogitsune thing happened. John had buried his head in the sand, he knew he’d done it; he didn’t insist or force his son to get some help to deal with all the guilt he’d known Stiles to suffer from. 

 

`I-I can’t. ´ Stiles cried so desperately and John knew he had seconds; mere seconds before he’d had to watch his son pull the trigger and put a stop to his brilliant mind. John knew his son, not well in regards of his likes and dislikes, but he knew his son’s heart and so he pulled out his service weapon and said, `Okay, okay.´ 

 

His son went still and quiet while John slowly sank down to the floor and raised his own gun the same way Stiles had raised the Glock, he could see the confused and startled look that washed over his son. 

 

`D-d-dad. Daddy?´ 

 

His son looked so very afraid, like seeing him his father sitting there with a gun in hand was something absolutely terrifying, and a slightly cruel part of John thought it was good for Stiles to feel the same almost crippling fear John was experiencing.

 

John didn’t hesitate to answer his son, and he was surprised how unwavering his voice was and how calm he felt when he made the decision to follow his son, `I’ve misplaced you once, ´ John said without thinking about it because he was not going to leave his son again, he would not abandon his son, `I’m not leaving you again.´

 

****

 

** **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, should I continue or not?


	3. Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> `I love you bro.´ Stiles had said once long ago when Scott had felt unlovable, and from then on Scott had believed that even if everyone else would hate him Stiles would never stop loving him. But then again Scott had never imagined that Stiles would ever want to leave him the way Allison had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the loooooong wait, I had some issues last month that needed to be attended too before I did something stupid that couldn’t be undone. But here we are, another chapter to this story I do hope you like it. I’m still trying to figure out if I should throw in Derek next or maybe a bit more of Stiles or the Sheriff, I just don’t know yet….

 

Scott shakes his head and goes back to shirt number four discarding shirt number nine, he knew he was procrastinating, it wasn’t like he didn’t like Kira because he did like her a lot. It was somehow harder to do the things couples did when his first love was dead, died because he couldn’t protect her.Scott had canceled on Kira too many times to be acceptable and it amazed him that she hadn’t just walk away from him but she hadn’t, and so Scott couldn’t cancel on her again. 

 

Scott wasn’t too proud or too afraid to admit that something had changed in him with the deaths of Allison and Aiden, something that made him hesitant about leaping head-first into this new thing with Kira; there was also that little nagging suspicion in the back of his mind that told him that Kira might not be all that forthcoming with him as she seemed to be.

 

Then there was also the issue with Stiles, his best friend and for the lack of a better term brother. Scott hadn’t dealt well with almost losing his best friend, and every time the young Alpha looked at Stiles who had yet to gain back the weight he had lost while the Nogitsune used him for its own entertainment, weight Stiles hadn’t in all honesty been able to afford to lose. Seeing how hollow his once so talkative and energetic friend had become made something ache inside of the young werewolf. When Scott saw Stiles and could not avoid talking to him there was a feeling of complete failure on his part, looking at Stiles now was as painful as the thought of losing him one day was.

 

Scott missed _his_ Stiles, he missed hearing Stiles talk and talk until someone other than Scott would tell him to shut-up not that he could imagine anyone of their friends doing that now as all of them had noticed this new found silence in their human pack mate, and none of them enjoyed it. 

 

Scott sighed as he finished dressing, he knew thinking about Stiles was doing him no favors tonight, but he was dreadfully worried about the gap he’d created between him and his best friend; he rarely talked to Stiles these days, and he was sure that at some point even Stiles would realize how little time Scott was spending with him. Scott was just too much of a cowered these days to face his fears when it came to Stiles, he’d gone as far as relying on Derek to help him keep track on Stiles, not that Derek seemed to mind checking up on Stiles. 

 

The sound of his phone informing him he had a message snapped Scott out of his thoughts he hopes and dread’s that another supernatural disaster had slipped into town, he was almost surprised to find that the message wasn’t from Derek or Chris or the Sheriff but from Stiles. He gave the message the attention it deserved and a smile rose on his lips as the words of love which were so very familiar to him. 

 

_ `If he loved me, he wouldn’t leave me.´ Scott had cried against his pillow, he wanted to hug his teddy bear but he was a big boy now and boys weren’t supposed to have teddy bears and they weren’t supposed to cry, but Scott had never been good at not crying when he got hurt or sad or when his mother or Stiles were sad.  _

 

_ `Then he’s stupid.´ Stiles said laying down next to Scott the way he always did during their sleepovers, Stiles was much smaller and so even if Stiles sprawled almost over Scott’s back Scott barely felt it, `Because you have to be stupid not to love you Scotty.´  _

 

_ Scott turned his head to glance over his shoulder at his best friend who always seemed to have his back, Stiles even carried and extra inhaler in his backpack for Scott which made Stiles the most awesome friend ever.  _

 

_ `I love you bro,´ Stiles said running his ridiculously long fingers through Scott’s hair the way that always made him feel like he could purr, `And I’m not stupid right?´ there was almost a hint of worry in Stiles voice, like he could imagine himself being stupid.  _

 

The words of affection and brotherly love shattered with the words that followed the ones that had made Scott smile, there was something incredibly wrong about Stiles asking him to take care of the Sheriff when Stiles could still do that…. unless. 

 

Scott bolted out of his room, down the hall and stairs without so much as giving a thought to answer the message. He raced out of his house and towards the Stilinski house without shoes or socks on his feet.He ran the familiar streets and distance towards a house which was as familiar to him as his own house was. And while he ran Scott McCall prayed to the God his mother believed in and the saints his grandmother had faith in, begging them to stop Stiles doing something so final there was no way to bring his brother back from it.

 

He couldn’t lose Stiles, not now, not after everything they had been through together. Scott couldn’t lose him not after losing Allison, not after his father up and left Beacon Hills for the second time in Scott’s young life. Scott could handle losing Allison, he could live without his father, but if Stiles left him then his life would become unbearable. 

 

Stiles couldn’t just leave him. 

 

The sight of the flashing lights and the vehicle just left there in the driveway door wide open, two wheels on the patch of grass that seemed so very important to the sheriff, everything was so very wrong because the sheriff had never left the vehicle his job provided him with in such a state, it made Scott’s stomach twist.He ran into the house, the front door left wide open which was another sign that told him he wasn’t the only one who got a disturbing message from Stiles Stilinski. He could hear both of the remaining Stilinski’s upstairs, there was something about the Sheriff’s voice that made Scott’s blood run cold,Scott darts up the stairs hearing the words of the man who had been there for Scott much more than Rafael McCall had been, there was something so dreadful about the words he heard the Sheriff speak. 

 

`I’ve misplaced you once.´

 

Scott freezes at the top of the stairs because from where he’s standing he could see Mr. Stilinski, the man was sitting on the tiled floor that had to be replaced years ago after one of Scott’s and Stiles’ experiments exploded and caused most of the tiles in the bathroom to crack much like Scott’s heart did now; Sheriff Stilinski was sitting on the bathroom floor his gun, the one Scott knew so well from watching the man for years watching him clean and care for it while telling both him and Stiles over and over again how guns were not toys, that gun was now raised against the man’s own head.

 

The young Alpha was far too shocked to move, because this was not the scene he had expected to find when he raced to the house and climbed the stairs of the house where Scott and Stiles had ran around freely because Claudia didn’t think there was anything wrong with what she called her two boys running around indoors; then again Claudia Stilinski had only laughed when Stiles and Scott had decided to draw on the wallpaper in the living room the drawings were still there hiding behind the large bookcase, both Scott’s and Stiles names written with a bright red permanent marker next to the drawings Claudia had called very artistic. 

 

`I’m not leaving you again.´ John said and it was enough to confuse Scott further but also to push Scott to move, and with rigid but silent steps he closed the distance between himself and the bathroom where both Scott and Stiles had been bathed clean after many of their great adventures, Claudia had always made the best bubble baths and she never told them to stop messing around during their baths.

 

Scott makes a move, and attempt to grab the gun but he halts the moment he sees Stiles in the same position as the Sheriff, but unlike the father the son was in tears until Scott breathes out a shocked, `Stiles?´ 

 

Brown orbs red rimmed and terrified turn their gaze on an equally shocked Scott, and Stiles sounds as wrecked as he looks when he finally speaks, `S-Scott?´

 

`Stiles, w-what are you doing?´ Scott asks almost forgetting that the Sheriff seems as willing to stop the workings of his brain as his son is, but Scott could regardless of how harsh it might sound live without the Sheriff but without Stiles life would become unbearable. 

 

`S-Scott, you n-need to leave.´ Stiles said voice trembling, but at the same time his brother seemed in Scott’s opinion very determined to pull the trigger, `Y-you need t-to h-help my dad,´ Scott’s jaw dropped at that and he nearly swallowed his tongue when he closed his mouth and heard Stiles tell him to take the Sheriff downstairs and out of the house, and Scott gasped when Stiles told him and Sheriff not to come back into the house. 

 

`S-Stiles, what a-are you doing?´ Scott asked, voice trembling just like his hands did still raised to stop the sheriff while every fiber in Scott’s being screamed for him to save the brother he’d always wanted and had.

 


	4. Stay Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Death was desired but without the threat of another death alongside it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it’s been freaking forever and this is stupid short and I don’t know or remember why it’s this short but it is. Sorry. But my way of writing is chaotic and usually a part of a story is written on a piece of paper that then gets lost and you are on the hunt for it or in one notebook while the rest is in another one. But yeah here’s a short little chapter that I was already afraid had been lost to the recycling Gods – yes I am a huge recycling friend so recycle my lovelies.

 

His entire body was trembling and it wasn’t because he was cold or sick, and it had nothing to do with him being exhausted in more ways than one, or the reasonable fear of death and the unknown;and Stiles hated and feared the unknown, that was one of the reasons why he was always been so hungry for knowledge of course he hadn’t always been this way, this fear of the unknown and lack of knowledge had been born with the ruin and death of his once so vibrant and joyous mother. 

 

What really brought forth the tremors that vibrated through his body was the crippling dread he felt over the prospect of his father following him to whatever waited form him once his heart stopped and his brain died. Stiles couldn’t even deal with the simple thought that he Stiles Stilinski would be the reason behind his father’s untimely demise especially not with the knowledge that his dad had finally moved on in his life, his dad had found love once more and he had found it in Melissa McCall and when the two had come-out with this long awaited news Stiles had been so incredibly happy for his dad who deserved happiness after years of grief. Stiles had also been thrilled by how Melissa had even seemed a lot happier once there was no more need for his dad and her to hide their blooming relationship and so maybe his fear of his dad following him to the afterlife was spurred by the knowledge that it would hurt Melissa too, and although there had been times when Stiles didn’t think Scott’s mother really liked him hanging around her son he honestly didn’t want her to suffer any sadness. 

 

Melissa would probably be devastated if Stiles father took his own life and if Melissa suffered then so would Scott, and Stiles didn’t want anyone one of them to suffer because what Stiles needed to do. 

 

Stiles had to stop his dad from making a stupid mistake, he had to make his dad stay and have a full-life. His father was worth so much more than following in his pathetic footsteps. 

 

`Daddy, ´ Stiles cried unable to hold back the tears or the desperation that had settled in him long ago, months ago really if not years. 

 

`Please daddy don’t.´ Stiles’ words seemed to only causes his father more suffering or at least that was how it seemed to Stiles who witnessed the familiar expression of sorrow settle on his father’s face. It was the same heavy sorrow that had lingered across his father features for nearly two years after Stiles’ mother died, it was the same sadness that had driven his father to drink and to speak such words as “It should have been me” and “Why, God, why did you take her from me?” and some which had continued to haunt Stiles to the very day he planned on ending his useless life. 

 

`Please, daddy, ´ Stiles allowed himself to sob out, `don’t do this, please don’t.´ There was no reason for his dad to die, to follow someone like him because if anything his father had a chance for a far better life, a life where Stiles couldn’t continue dishonor his father by being… well himself. 

 

Stiles had known for a great while that he was slowly killing his father who’s blood pressure hadn’t changed much no matter how many green vegetables he made his dad eat, **** no matter what diet Stiles tried to enforce on his dad so that the only reason behind the strain on his father’s heart was him, Stiles knew he was doing nothing but increase his father’s early death and it seemed like everyone agree that Sheriff Stilinski was cursed with a horrible child who was slowly killing him.

 

_ `That poor man, stuck alone with a son like him.´ Stiles heard from where he was trying to hide within one of the shrubs outside of school, it was parent teacher night and although Stiles was sure he hadn’t done too poorly in math, English or any other subject he still knew whom the four mothers were talking about, he was ten years old and bright enough to know that one and one made two.  _

 

_ `I’m sure having a son like him didn’t help Claudia’s condition.´ the other woman with a seemingly sweet voice said, and all the others agreed, Stiles had heard it all before but it didn’t make hearing it again any easier. _

 

Stiles had to die for his dad’s sake he had too. But instead of understanding this, instead of doing the right thing his dad continued to sit there gun raised to his own temple.

 

`Then put the gun down baby boy, ´ his dad said sounding almost as heartbroken and ruined as Stiles felt, `just put the gun down son.´ 

 

Seeing what he was doing to his father convinced Stiles that what he was going to do was indeed beneficial, once Stiles was gone his father could move on and be happy; sure, his dad might be sad for a while but eventually things would get better for his dad.His dad’s life would be easier without him around screwing-up all the time, and so even with everything else trembling there was once part of him that remained steady, Stiles’ hand and the gun it held stayed steady.

 

Stiles glanced at Scott, his brother from another mother and father, trying toget his best friend to understand that he should drag the much loved Sheriff of Beacon Hills out of the bathroom and into the street so that Stiles could finish what he’d started; sure, Stiles understood how hard it would be for Scott to do it, but they were best friends and Scott should just accept Stiles wish and just do it, and above all Scott should understand that Stiles was doing this for all of them.

 

`Son, you don’t need to do this. We can fix this – whatever it is that makes you feel like there’s no hope,´ **** his dad seemed desperate to convince him believe that there was some wayto change everything, to mend what had been broken within Stiles’ mind and spirit but there just wasn’t anything anyone could do.

 

`We can fix it Stiles, we can son. I promise you we can and will…´ his dad tells him, and Stiles can’t handle hearing his dad grasping at stupid straws of hope. 

 

`I don’t – I can’t daddy.´ **** Stiles hiccupped while shaking his head, `Please don’t make me daddy. Please don’t make me. I can’t. ´ ****

 

`Stiles.´ Scott’ voice was equally as pleading as Stiles’ father’s and Stiles felt ever so slightly betrayed by it,` _you_ can Stiles, if anyone of us can do it it’s you. ´ Stiles tries to ignore his best friend, tries to avoid at the True Alpha who doesn’t at the moment look like the all-powerful supernatural creature he should be.

 

`We’ll get you all the help you need. I promise you.´ an unpleasant flash ofthe hellhole that was Eichen House flashes through Stiles’ mind and panic explode within him, **** it’s almost enough to cause Stiles finger to the damn trigger but instead he just screams out, `NO! ´ and tried to scramble further away from his father and friend who both jumped a little over the loudness of Stiles voice, Stiles was however trapped and unable to move and thus create the much needed distance between them. ****

 

`I don’t want too. I-I just can’t – I can’t. ´Stiles cried, his trigger finger itching to finally put him out of his misery, `I can’t do this – I can’t do this anymore.´ Stiles wanted so badly to just pull the trigger, to end his own suffering but he couldn’t do that while his father was right there threatening to do the same, he couldn’t do that while both his friend and father watched him blow his brains out.Stiles needed to end his life, but he needed to do it with the knowledge his father wouldn’t follow him.

 

Stiles tried to dry the snot and tears with the sleeve of his shirt, and with a voice that seemed to cut through his throat painfully he sobbed out, `I just can’t, don’t you understand that? ´He’s growing frustrated and desperate. 

 

`No, Stiles. ´ The shortness of reply, the anger based was as familiar as it was surprising to find Derek Hale suddenly standing right there behind both his father and Scott, eyes full of anger but also something that looked a lot like fear.Stiles has to blink a few times before he could believe that Derek Hale was right there, `we don’t get it.´

 

There was no denying that the growling, glaring, man was Derek Hale regardless of how unusual it was to find someone like Derek standing there in his house without demanding stuff like research or for Stiles to build some line of communication between Derek and Scott, and what seemed even stranger was the fact that it seemed like the older werewolf was trying to perhaps stop Stiles from ending his life; which of course didn’t make any sense whatsoever to Stiles considering how often Derek had made it clear he couldn’t stand Stiles, and the last thing Derek had told him was to just drop dead and leave him alone. 

 

It was strange to Stiles having Derek there to witness the last moments of his useless and irritating life, sure Stiles had dreamt of it a thousand times in hundreds of different ways sometimes they were both old and frail years of love and devotion behind them although those thoughts were incredibly rare due to their fairytale like aspects; more often than not Stiles had imagined dying for Derek or Scott, saving one of them or both of them, he’d imagined Derek being there holding his hand and maybe telling him to hold on for a little longer while knowing there was no other end than death for Stiles. 

 

Stiles hadn’t imagined this and he wanted Derek there as much as he wanted Scott or his dad there. 

 

If Stiles had been less exhausted then perhaps he could have been a little bit touched by Derek presence there, thinking that maybe the werewolf did care for him in some strange way, but Stiles had already spent all of his endurance for life an hour ago so he felt very little need to acknowledge Derek’s presence any further than giving him a look of “What the hell dude?” 

 

And if Stiles had known that sending his short goodbyes would cramp his exit from this life that hadn’t been great since the death of his mother, then he would’ve left this world without a word of goodbye. If Stiles was perfectly honest which he was at the hour or minute of his impending death he regret sending Derek his small confession of love, a confession made in haste and firm belief he wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences that would follow from it. 

 

`Son. Please put the gun down.´ his dad says suddenly drawing Stiles attention away from the furiously glaring werewolf, but seeing his father look so desperate ready to promise Stiles anything he asked for as long as Stiles just did this one thing for him hurt even worse than the memory of all the horrible things Stiles had done while under the control of the Nogitsune. 

 

`Just put the gun down baby, do it for me son.´ Stiles can stop the chocked out sob that escapes him but it’s so hard not to do it, to just put the gun down on the floor and do what he’s father wants, but Stiles knows if he doesn’t end it tonight then his dad would probably die before the end of the year and Stiles couldn’t be the reason for his dad’s death too not when he could prevent it. 

 

Stiles couldn’t save his mother, he couldn’t stop the Nogitsune from killing all those people and Allison, but he sure as hell could try and save his dad. Save everyone. 

 


	5. Stay Here With Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are with another round of 15min fic's but because my friend who is now called Timid-Trapper having no clue what to ask for yet at least she has asked for me to throw in a chapter for this fic, it’s not a great chapter as I just couldn’t get a grasp of what she wanted which was for Derek to come rushing in to save a very unhappy Stiles.

He is close to finishing his workout when his cellphone gives him an indication that someone has sent him a message. Derek pauses, he’s halfway up for his seventy-fourth chin-up, Derek does honestly contemplate stopping there and just checking on the message no doubt sent to him by Stiles after all no one but Stiles seemed to give a damn about keeping in touch with him unless there was a crisis; sure these days the messages Stiles sent him seemed to lack that special something that screamed Stiles Stilinski, but then again this change was understandable after everything Stiles had been through.

Derek was fairly certain most people in Stiles’ shoes would’ve already cracked beyond repair after being possessed by an ancient and evil-fox-spirit that had gone on a killing spree, a killing spree that claimed the lives of people Stiles had known, and so some lack of merriment was understandable. Derek didn’t fault Stiles for anything that had happened or the fact that daily messages from the boy had turned to one or two in a week and each one was just a message asking for some sign that he Derek Hale was still alive and in Beacon Hills, he understood that Stiles wasn’t in a good place at the moment and needed some time to recover and deal with his own thoughts and feelings; if Derek had the ability to not be such a Sourwolf well then perhaps he would’ve dropped in on the boy, but he wasn’t Scott who was best suited to help Stiles as were a lot of other people and so Derek stayed away.

Now of course if Stiles would ask to see him then Derek would ask when and where. But Derek didn’t expect such a request to ever come his way, he was confident in his knowledge about Stiles Stilinski to know that the stubborn kid would pull-through without Derek’s miserable input.

He contemplates abandoning his workout for a minute or two before deciding there was no reason to stop for just another message where Stiles was asking him if he was still alive and well. Derek decides to continue with his chin-ups, after all he’d just bi irritable for the rest of the day if he stopped now for a tiny message asking if he was alright, he continues pulling his body up and lowering it controllably down time and time again until his arms feel more like overcooked spaghetti than actual arms.

Derek doesn’t immediately check his phone mostly because by the time he was done with his daily workout he’d forgotten all about the momentary interruption his phone had caused in his daily routine, instead of checking his phone Derek grabbed a drink of water before taking a much needed shower by the time he did recalled it he was all dressed-up and checking the fridge. Derek’s not all that surprised to find that Stiles had reached out to him once more, although Derek might not grant Stiles the knowledge that he appreciates the time the younger male takes to ensure that he’s not dead Derek does appreciate it; the last person to care about such things had been Laura, and knowing that someone did care whether he lived or died made something warm and pleasant wrap around him, having just one person who would notice if he disappeared made him feel a little bit less alone and cold.

However for the first time in a long time the message Stiles has sent him sends a chill to his very bones, it felt like a goodbye and not just one that had a promise of a return, it was a goodbye that was everlasting, but the line of words that truly had him grabbing his keys and rushing out of the loft without shoes on his feet to stop what Derek imagined was a dreadful deed of despair; it was getting thanked for trying to save Stiles that had Derek rushing to find the boy, after all they had saved the pale boy at least Derek had thought they had.

He drives like a madman towards the place that Stiles called home, and as he speeds down familiar streets Derek curses his own foolishness for trusting Scott’s word on the matter that was Stiles’ well-being, Derek knew now that he should’ve questioned or at least asked a bit more about the boy whenever Scott had told him that the other boy was “fine”, but Derek lacked a spine it seemed to face any prospect where Stiles might not be fine; after all if Stiles broke then what would stop Derek from doing the same?

The drive to the Stilinski house seems to take forever especially as he starts to fear that he might be too late, and Derek he’s just so done with having to watch one more person he knows get laid down to rest.

Reaching the Stilinski house Derek feels the tightness in his chest ease-up a little at least, after all the Sheriff was home and it seemed he wasn’t the only one at the house, but that momentary relief vanishes when he hears the uneasy conversation upstairs, every word said confirmed his fears and so he rushes upstairs determined to put a stop to this madness that had unfolded without his knowledge.

He’s shocked by what he hears fall from Stiles mouth since the boy had never been one to just surrender to anything, Stiles wasn’t a person who just surrendered to anything, Stiles was a fighter at least Derek had thought he was; and so without further thought or consideration Derek responds to the ridiculous question of why none of them could understand why Stiles would choose to throw his life away so easily?

Stiles seemed surprised to see him as well as devastated to see him standing there. Perhaps if Derek had been a better man he would’ve felt some pity towards the boy who he now knew was not like Scott McCall had claimed fine, Stiles had always been skinny but now he was far too thin to be considered healthy and beneath tearful eyes were black circles, but all Derek felt was anger an anger that spread to every direction and connected with each other like the delicate strands of a spiders web; he was angry at Scott for not revealing or realizing how not fine Stiles was, he was angry at himself for not asking more questions about how the visibly shattered boy was doing after everything he’d been through, he felt anger for the fear he felt in his heart as realized how close they were to losing Stiles who sat there on the bathroom floor gun in hand with an air of unwavering determination about him.

Derek knew that no matter how hard the Sheriff begged his son to set the loaded gun down that Stiles would not and so when Stiles raised the gun to his temple Derek bounced, he didn’t even need to hear the whimpered little word of apology that fell from Stiles lips as resolution had settled in Stiles soul and heart.

There was a struggle, not much mostly Stiles just kicking and screaming as Derek wrenched the gun that went of a bullet that had in Stiles’ mind been destined inside his own skill getting stuck in the wall, the werewolf heard a finger or two break as he fought to get the gun out of the pale hands of the boy that but amongst the scuffle and the loud desperate screams of the boy almost drowned out the sound of bones breaking.

Derek shoves the gun into the hands of the Sheriff who’d become frozen where he now was. The good Sheriff was there before them ashen-faced and on one knew as if he’d been on his way to stop and save his son, but then as the weapon designed to do harm gave the alarming sound that suddenly felt like it alone could shatter bone and tare the flesh, and by the irregular heartbeat Derek could hear it was made clear that the father of the trashing boy had been given a proper fright one that had come near to stopping his fragile heart.

As soon as the dreadful gun was in the sheriff’s shaky hand the man of the law who was willing to look the other way however for the ones he loved shivered back into life, Derek however didn’t have time to watch out for the Sheriff or the others around him since Stiles continued to fight him like a madman.

`Stiles. Stop.´ Derek barks at the boy as does a still very tearful Scott who slipped inside the cramped space, almost close enough to touch without attempting to do so, the young werewolf stood there completely useless while Derek struggled to restrain his best friend. Derek wraps his arms around the boy who was always surprising him with the amount of strength his thin body held, that body had kept him a float for nearly two hours while Derek’s body had been perfectly useless, Derek had always been amazed by Stiles strength of will and seeing it even now when it was directed towards ending his young life Derek was amazed, and he was also glad to see it since the unwillingness to surrender gives him some hope that all was not lost.

Stiles doesn’t stop his struggling not until Derek has him all wrapped-up in his arms, but although Stiles is no longer trying to hit him in the face or claw his way out of Derek’s hold he continues to cry with such misery it breaks Derek’s heart. 


End file.
